The garden, mother and me

  Page 43 Towards the end Mother became more and more frail over the last few years.  Her dementia became more advanced and so did her stubbornness. Looking after her became a full time job with a lot of ups and downs.  These days it was hard to find the amusing side off caring for her, I would go to get her out of bed and she would be hallucinating which ment a doctors visit.  Or I would find her on the floor, that would mean an ambulance to help get her up. Many a night I made her comfortable and warm a on the floor, while I sat in the chair waiting for help to come. Why didn't I put her in a nursing home? I promised my father I would look after her. "Mary-jane . I  need a word with you" called my father " dad I'm sorry but that woman really puts my back up" I say as I stormed out the house once again. Mother had been accusing me of taking her money, I didn't live there and I had just walked in the house. "It's not that,  I know you haven'...

  Today we are of to the bank, post office and a bit of shopping mothers choice, I've been given my orders. "Hi mother are you ready for the off?" "Yes , have you put petrol in the car ,checked the oil and tyres " quirked mother  I just ignored her when she starts on this type of questioning she is best ignored. In the car she gets wheel chair in the boot and off we go. The normal directions on how to drive, with the odd slow down I want to see ..... We make it to our destination in one piece and I unload mother into the chair  "Where to first " I ask "Bank first" declares mother This is the first time I've taken her to the bank and I couldn't get the wheelchair over the very small bump in the doorway  "What's the matter" mother asks "We're stuck" I say, while jumping up and down on the treads at the back of the chair trying to make the front wheels to lift a bit. Un fortunately mother might be shorter t...

Page 42 When the imagination takes over, life gets better. Mother is really enjoying having a wheelchair now. Shopping is much easier, pop her in the chair, give her the disabled trolley to push, (unfortunately the trolley will not attach to the chair) and round we go. Brilliant (so you might think) “Coming shopping today mother” “Yes and I have the list ready” mother is eager so off we go, mother in the car, chair in the back and yes, directions and driving instructions frequently issued. (MOTHER) Round the supermarket we went mother clutching the trolley me pushing and following orders. When out shot the arm, emergency stop and mother nearly fell out the wheelchair. “What did you put your arm out for, one day you will get injured doing that” I am really annoyed with her. “Well you stopping so suddenly was a bit silly I nearly fell out the chair and I wanted to look at something on the shelf, that’s why I put my arm out” mother retorted. “Please when you ...

Page 41 Have wheels will go places . Well mother now has a wheelchair and this means I can get her out more. Which is something mother has also realised. “Can we go out to buy me some more trousers” mother asks expectantly. The last time I tried to buy some trousers for mother I could not find the right leg length (mother is challenged in the leg department) and also she needs a wider leg at the bottom, as her legs swell. “Of cause we can now we are able to get you most places, I will put the chair in the car ready” and off I go to dutifully carry out my words. “Which shop are we going to mother?”   “That one I like on the retail estate” mother had made up her mind. (I have already looked in there, still it’s a trip out) For once I managed to find a parking space right next to the doors, mother eased herself out if the car and into the chair and off we went. “I do feel silly sitting in this thing ” mother moaned “Honestly mother you look fine...

Page 40 To enable independence is hard when mother resists. Mothers foot maybe better but the problem she had has taken its toll. Before the gout episodes she was able to walk quite well, but now she struggles to go any distance at all. I have suggested we get a wheel chair for her to use, just so she can get out the house, but no that was dismissed. “Are you coming shopping today, you can sit in the car and watch the world go buy” I say to mother hopefully. “Yes I think I will, take my walker as I need to go to the bank” mother replied. I just agreed and thought to myself how on earth is she going to walk to the bank and back to the car. Mother struggled to get to out the house and into the car, puffing and panting as if she had run a marathon. I put the walker in the car and off we went. All the way to the bank mother sat in silence not a word was spoken, even when I pointed things out to her I just received a, oh yes. As we approached the bank mother asked me...

Page 39 Necessity is the mother of invention Where mother is concerned I am very creative. Mother’s foot is painful again, and yes mother refuses to go to the doctors. “I will not take those tablets again, did you see the side effects to them. There was a long list” (there goes rational thinking.) “Did you have any side effects” (go on find just one.) “There were that many listed on the packet I didn’t know if I did or not” ( mother !) “I can assure you that the only side effect you have had, is your foot being less painful, you need some more tablets to get rid of the pain totally” now that is assertion at its best. “No” was all I got from mother. Off I went into the garden. I could really do with chopping something down, but had to make do with mowing the lawns. I had a good think about the problem of mother and the foot, would the doctor prescribe more tablets if I went and asked him or did it have to come from mother. Could be worth trying, what woul...

Page 38. It is said that if you don’t use it   You will lose it. And mother is the proof that it’s true. Mother has been taking her tablets and yes the doctor has confirmed it is gout she is getting, but will she have the other tablets to prevent it, no chance. At least she is pain free for the moment. The only thing is her walking is getting worse as she isn’t able to put her weight in the affected foot when it is painful. We are going to have her eyes tested today, which promises to be great fun as mother just can’t walk far any more. “We are going to the eye clinic today, do you feel able to do all that walking” sounds harsh, but if mothers’ legs give way on her then she could hurt herself. “I should be able to, how far is it?” mother replied. “There is a fair amount of walking to this one, I can’t park that close to the door. Then when we get inside it’s a long corridor to the waiting room, I popped down there and had a look yesterday” “Do you th...

Page 37 You can have too much of a good thing And mother loves strawberries and cherry tomatoes Mother is having a lot of fun at the moment, the runner beans are producing well. Everyone who comes to the house is offered beans and dispatched to pick their own. “Those beans you put in are doing ever so well, everyone comments an how lovely they are and we are getting quite a lot” I gave mother six plants to look after but planted twenty, mother still thinks it’s only the six. “And you didn’t want a vegetable garden” just couldn’t resist that comment. “Did you plant anything else” is that a trick question or genuine interest. “Yes I put in carrots and courgettes, just to fill the patch up” wait for it…… “Lovely can you leave a fork out so they can be dug up as well” what happened to the, I told you no vegetable patch. I really feel cheated now “Would you like some tomatoes, I put some in pots and there ready” “Oh yes please I love fresh tomatoes” m...

Page 36 And then we had, The day of the trifids ( Trifids is taken from the novel, The day of the trifids by John Wyndham) Mother watered and the beans grew. I had regular updates on their progress, so did her friends, the beans became quite a talking point. Until…… “You will have to do something with those beans I have never seen anything grow so fast, they are like trifids” I laughed they are growing well mother really is doing a great job... I never knew that growing a few plants could be so stressful, for mother it was. The beans had started to grow up the cord on her kitchen blinds. (Which I found hilarious) mother didn’t. “I keep taken them off the cord, but they climb up it again” “Now this is a serious situation of wayward beans.” I laughed Well that was it mother insisted that I did something with them or she would not water the beans any more. so I did, I took them out into the garden and planted in the new vegetable patch and put some poly...

Page 35 The days past and I continued getting the garden ready for,   Vegetables. Mother was still unaware of my plans to create a veg plot so at the moment I was not getting any opposition, oh the joys of defying the parent.   Today when I went to mothers I took with me six pots that I had planted runner beans in, “Can you look after these for me?” I ask. “Why and what do I have to do?” mother questions “I have run out of space in my green house, all you need to do is water them” I say innocently. Mother agrees, looking at the pots and I felt that it would give her something to do, also it is nice to watch seeds grow. While mother was pondering over the pots looking very suspiciously at them I nipped into the garden to sow some carrots and parsnips, into the illegal vegetable plot. “Where did you dash off to?” mother asked. “Oh just to put some stuff away that I had left out” (true I had to put the seeds away, in the soil) Mothe...

Page 34 Spring lambs are so sweet to look at, Humph!!! It’s a busy day today at mothers and today, I want to get away as early as possible.     That’s after the normal hair wash, back scrub and everything else. Plus now I am cleaning the windows, to be honest that is my own fault, I just got fed up of the smears the cleaner always left, oh well. “Are you ready for your hair to have your washed” I asked mother. “Yes just give me a minute and I will be with you” while I waited I started the taps running for the hot water and put everything ready, knowing mothers in a minute. She still wasn’t ready after I had done that, so I rushed out and put the rubbish in the bin and she was still not ready, “Mother are you coming” “Yes, yes, sorry, I was watching the lambs running round the field, here I am” Well that was two jobs done at the same time, back and hair. Now to work quickly though the rest and I am off. I got as far as cleaning the window...